it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
