The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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