I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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