I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
