theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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