Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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