if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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