Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
