my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
