I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
