My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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