I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize