Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
