You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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