Yo dont text me then not text me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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