I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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