Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
