Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
