the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
