his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
