After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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