how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
