wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
only you would photoshop your dick
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
