If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
