I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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