Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
