apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
