Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize