He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
