i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
