Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
