its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize