NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
