My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
