If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
