All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
