Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
