your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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