I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How does one acquire holy water?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude