I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.