The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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