Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.