come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine