So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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