I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
