i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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