so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
