this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
