I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
