i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
