i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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