The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
