yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
