If that was your dad, he is hot
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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