she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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