Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
