Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
