Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she told me i tasted like america
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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