i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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