If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
