I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
