Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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