I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"