im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.