Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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