Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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