I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
