why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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