if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
