Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
