it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
