Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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