those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
