Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
