Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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