I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
