I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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